


What about now?

by SweetieR



Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetieR/pseuds/SweetieR
Summary: [AU] 6 years ago, Arthur and Guinevere were engaged. But the young woman left him and got back with her ex-boyfriend, Lancelot. Now, years later, Lancelot broke up with her after 5 years of marriage and a daughter. In order to nurse her broken heart and start over, Gwen comes back home to start over. But what will happen when she finds out Arthur is still there? Can she really move on with her past right there?
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this came out of nowhere but I had to get it out of my head so here I am ! I really hope you’ll like it :)

An alarm rang.

And rang again.

And again.

« Oh for God’s sake Arthur! Turn off that bloody alarm! »

He chuckled sleepily, stopped it before he went back to spoon the woman by his side.

« Let me sleep. » she groaned but linked their fingers and snuggled closer to him. He smiled and kissed her hair.   
  


« You know I love you, right? »

And it was so strange even now to say these words he had promised never to say again.   
  
After she had left him.

After she had broken his heart.

But she belonged to the past.   
  
So Arthur took a deep breath and anchored himself to the present and what he was feeling at the moment.

This was still so very new, this happiness so fresh and still so fragile.

He didn’t want to lose it. 

« I love you too. » she said softly and he could almost see her brown eyes sparkling. « But if you think that I will get up with you, you’re sorely mistaken. »

He laughed.

« Even if I was to promise you my very famous and very own English breakfast? »

She groaned.

« With bacon? »

« Of course. »

She turned around in his arms and rolled her eyes at his proud smile.   
  
« You’re an arse, Pendragon. »

He laughed again and she smiled.

She loved to make him smile.

They had come so far... She had never thought they would be there.

But they were.

And she wouldn’t ever let go of him.

« Does that mean I won? » 

The woman in his arms pouted but leant in and laid a tender kiss on his neck. 

Shivers ran through him but he wouldn’t give up so easily...

« Mrs Pendragon... » she receded and raised an eyebrow. « Are you admitting defeat for the first time in almost 6 months of marriage? »

She chuckled and her hands started to dance on his chest, then on his waist...

« Now look who’s not playing fair... » he murmured, voice hoarse.

« I never said I was... » she whispered and he checked the time.

Fuck breakfast.

So he spinned them so she was pinned beneath him and when she smiled, he was hit with a wave of affection for this woman who had saved his life in more ways than one.

«I love you. Really. » she breathed, knowing - as she always did, where his mind had gone.   
  
He leant in, kissing her.

« I love you too.... Mithian. »

* * *

« Why are you crying, mummy? » came a voice and Guinevere wiped her eyes quickly.

She had not even noticed she was crying.

But she had to be strong.

For her daughter.

No matter how heartbroken she was.

« I’m fine, my love. » 

Gwen looked quickly at her daughter through the review mirror. 

She was frowning.

« What is it, Lucy? »

The girl hesitated and hugged her stuffed dog tighter.

« Where is daddy? »

Gwen froze.

Fuck Lancelot.

Fuck him.

It wasn’t the first time their daughter had asked this since they had left LA, but it was still heartbreaking for her to answer.

« Daddy left for some time baby, remember? »

She pouted.

« But why? »

Gwen swallowed.

Fuck Lancelot.

Fuck him for having decided after 5 years of marriage and a daughter of 5 that this wasn’t the life he wanted anymore.

And she hated him even more knowing what he had done, what length he had gone to to make sure she would choose him. 

( No matter what she had to lose.

So much.

Him.

She had chosen to leave him for the life Lancelot had promised her.)

« It’s complicated, Lu. Grown ups stuff. But your daddy still loves you, you know that, right? »

The girl nodded slightly.

« But why are we moving with Granny and Grandpa? »

Gwen swallowed again.   
  
Why? 

Because she couldn’t bear to be 31, alone with a child, heartbroken in a city all over the ocean. 

She needed to be home.

And while she had not been there in almost 6 years..

Camelot was still home to her.

Would always be, somehow.

( She tried to block the memories fighting their ways to her mind. She had made her choices.) 

« Mommy? »

She smiled at the fact that her daughter could speak in a British or an American accent depending on the moment.

She found it so cute.

But the she realized she was still to answer.

« Aren’t you happy to see them? » she asked instead and the girl nodded happily.

And how could Lancelot choose to let this child behind, she could never understand.

( And how could she have been so wrong about him?) 

* * *

Arthur arrived in his office and smiled when he saw his bestfriend and his sister already inside.

They were lawyers, and good ones at that.

He wouldn’t change it for the world.

« Don’t you two have work to do? » he teased but when they both got up with tensed faces, he froze.

Something was wrong.

« Arthur... » started Morgana, tears in her eyes.

« What’s going on? » he asked but none of them answered and this was bad. Had to be bad. « You’re making me worried, now. » and then his eyes widened in panic, « Is everything alright with the baby? »

Merlin and Morgana had been married for two years, now and they were now expecting a baby. Morgana was indeed 6 months pregnant.

« No, no Arthur. The baby is fine, don’t worry. » she hurried to breath and he let out a deep breath.

« Then what is it? »

Morgana opened and closed the mouth a few times before she turned towards her husband.

« Do it, Merlin. Please. I... I can’t. »

Merlin took a deep breath.

This would hurt.

And Arthur had been so happy lately...

This could change everything.

And the truth was, he was very worried about the consequences of what he was about to say.

« You should sit down. »

« I don’t want to sit down. I want to know what the hell is going on. » 

And Arthur had a very, very bad feeling about it all... 

He started playing with his wedding ring, the way he did when he felt nervous.

But then Merlin talked.

And there was no coming back from what he said next.

« Morgana got a text last night. »

« Yeah? »

Merlin looked awful.

Arthur had rarely saw him like that... 

And somehow, Arthur knew before the words could even leave his mouth.

And his heart dropped several stages in his chest.

« Guinevere is coming back in town. For good. She and her daughter. Lancelot left, so she came back from LA. »

Arthur’s mind was empty.

His heart stopped.

Too many informations.

Arthur felt like an anchor of pain fall on his chest.

He couldn’t breath.

Guinevere.

A daughter.

Lancelot.

It was still much too painful.

And he had not thought about her in so long...

Had not allowed himself to.

« Arthur? » his sister called, and he recognized the worry in her voice.   
  
He blinked and tried to form a coherent sentence. 

« I’m fine. » he murmured but he wasn’t. « I... I just need a minute alone. » 

That at least, wasn’t a lie. 

  
« Of course. » said Merlin. « We’re here if you need us. Always. »

Morgana squeezed his hand and Merlin his shoulder as they left.

Arthur tried to smile.

And once alone...

He threw up in his bin.

* * *

Guinevere parked the car in front of her parents’ house and smiled.

« We’re home. » she breathed to herself. 

And somehow,

She felt happier than she had in years. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Past** _

_Gwen sighed and looked around her, lost._

_Great,_

_She didn’t know where to go._

_She hated to arrive for her Senior Year in the end of October._

_She hated being the new kid._

_She hated it._

_For her last year of highschool with that!_

_Her life sucked._

_She was trying to read her plan when she bumped into someone._

“Ouch _!”_

“ _Excuse me,” she said, “I’m new and-”_

_Whatever she was about to say got lost in her throat._

_Because facing her was the most handsome man she had ever seen._

_Tall, blue eyes, blond hair, strong jaw, strong shoulders._

_She swallowed._

“ _I’m sorry.” she said again._

_He smiled and leant in, picking up her notebooks and she took it with trembling hands before she froze when their hands touched._

_Electricity._

_His eyes widened and she knew he had felt it too._

_Finally, he cleared his throat and took a step back before smiling._

_Oh God._

_That was a beautiful smile if she had ever seen one._

“ _I’m Arthur.” he said, “Arthur Pendragon.”_

“ _Guinevere Leodegrance, but everyone calls me Gwen.”_

_He smiled again._

“ _I like that, Guine_ vere _.”_

_She felt herself blush._

“ _Already bullying innocent new students, Arthur?” mocked a voice and the so called Arthur rolled his eyes._

“ _Shut up_ Mer _lin.”_

_He sighed and then Gwen saw a group of people walking towards them and her eyes widened._

_Arthur took his place next to her and when she felt his hand at her back, she shivered;_

_Oh God._

“ _Guinevere, meet my friends.” he pointed, “This is my twin sister, Morgana.”_

“ _Hi!” said a gorgeous woman, all dark hair and emerald eyes._

“ _You look nothing alike.” she couldn’t help but ask and Morgana laughed._

“ _I’m obviously smarter.” she said and Arthur scoffed,_

“ _But I’m better looking.” he smirked and the woman stucked her tongue out at him._

“ _That’s very mature, 'Gana. Then we have Merlin.”_

_A thin man with a wide and friendly smile and piercing blue eyes smiled at her._

“ _Hi.” he said, “I know these two can be a lot to take, but they are actually okay when you get to know them.” he winked and Arthur rolled his eyes again._

“ _This is Gwaine.”_

“ _Oh my God. I think I've gone blind with how beautiful you look.” Gwen blushed and Arthur laughed out loud._

“ _Don’t worry about him, he’s a flirt with everyone. Even with me.” Gwaine laughed out loud._

“ _Of course I am, you’re the King after all!”_

“ _Stop that.” muttered Arthur._

“ _Then we have Percival, over there.”_

_A huge man waved, smiling shyly and she smiled back._

“ _And last but not least, Lancelot.”_

_Gwen looked up towards the so-called Lancelot and he was looking at her with wide eyes._

_He was tall, brown hair and brown eyes, handsome._

_But not her type._

_He walked to her, took her hand and kissed it._

“ _Enchanted.”_

_Her eyes widened and Arthur frowned slightly._

_Gwen hurried to take her hand back and unconsciously took a step back._

“ _Hi.” she said._

“Okay _…” muttered Arthur, still frowning._

_And then the bell rang and they all groaned loudly._

_Arthur turned toward her and she got lost in his eyes again as he said,_

“ _I have to go to math right now, but I can show you around after if you’d like?”_

_She smiled brightly, heart beating faster._

“ _I’d like that very much.”_

_He threw her a smile so bright it blinded her a little._

_God she already knew she would do anything to see that smile again._

_And it was the first time she saw it._

* * *

_**Weeks later.** _

_Arthur and Gwen had been spending all of their free time together._

_Literally._

_Now he was sitting with Merlin, Morgana and Lancelot trying to do his homework._

Trying to.

“ _You’re not hanging out with Gwen?” teased Merlin and Arthur chose to ignore him._

“ _Your power of deduction knows no boundaries, Merlin.”_

_He hadn’t been able to stop himself._

“ _That is strange.” added Morgana and he glared at her. “You seem to be very close…”_

“ _Shut up, Morgana.”_

“ _The last girl you’ve dated was Elena. A year ago. We both know it was a disaster.”_

_Arthur sighed deeply and looked at the both of them,_

“ _Is there a point to all of this_ _or are you both just making noise_ _for the sheer pleasure of it_ _?”_

_Merlin beamed, Morgana glared._

“ _You’re in love with Gwen.”said Merlin._

_Arthur blushed._

“ _And she’s in love with you!” squealed Morgana happily and Arthur blushed further._

_Lancelot looked like he was about to throw up._

“ _For the love of God I will leave this table if you two keep that up.” the blond said._

“ _No you won’t.” smirked Merlin._

“ _Why not?”_

“ _Because Gwen is coming.”_

_Arthur straightened up and turned around, under the chuckles of his friends but he couldn’t care less._

_Because it was true._

_Gwen was coming._

_She smiled shyly at him, waving._

_And he waved back._

“ _So not in love, huh?” muttered Merlin and he punched his arm. “Ouch! That actually hurt!”_

“ _You deserved it.” murmured Arthur, “Now shut the fuck up.”_

_Gwen was there and she greeted everyone before sitting next to Arthur._

_Lancelot paled._

“ _Hm, we were going to go.” said Morgana, getting up and she took Merlin’s hand._

_He nodded, took his books and mentioned at Lancelot._

“ _You coming, Lance?”_

_Lancelot looked between Arthur and Gwen reluctantly._

“ _Hm.”_

“ _You’re coming.” said Morgana and he sighed and left, with one last glace at the couple._

_Once alone, Arthur and Guinevere both blushed slightly._

“ _Hi.” he said and she chuckled,_

“ _Hi.”_

_It was the moment. Thought Arthur._

_Now or never._

“ _Gwen, I was wondering-”_

“ _You never call me Gwen.” she said suddenly, lost in his eyes and he looked surprised. “Only Guinevere.”_

“ _Does that bother you?” he asked and she bit her bottom lip._

_God, don’t do that._

“ _Quite on the contrary, actually. I like it. Makes me feel special to you.” she blushed, looking down._

_God, he wanted to kiss her._

“ _You don’t like it when I call you Gwen?”_

_She shook her head and it shouldn’t make him as happy as it did._

“ _No. You’re not anyone.” she murmured. “Not to me. And I hope I’m not anyone to you.”_

_They got lost in each other._

_And then Arthur blurted out._

“ _Come to the winter formal with me?”_

_Gwen’s eyes widened and then she smiled so brightly it blinded Arthur a little._

“ _For real?”_

“ _For real.” he laughed, taking her hand and intertwining their fingers._

_She looked at their joined hands and smiled tenderly._

_And then blue eyes locked onto brown._

“ _I would love nothing more.”_

_He wanted to kiss her._

_God, he wanted to kiss her._

_But he wouldn’t._

_Not like that._

_This time, he’ll do things right._

_She deserved it._

_So he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, enjoying the blush adorning her cheeks._

* * *

**Present**

Arthur was still inside his office, sat with his face buried in his hands.

She was back.

Why?

Why was she back?

Why would she be back after she left him like he meant nothing to her a few days before their wedding, with barely any explications and to go with one of his best friends above it all??

A pain so strong it cut his breath shot right through him.

Great.

That was back with her too, then.

He should have known.

Arthur tried to pull himself together.

It had been years.

_Years._

But…

If she wanted to get her old job back…

No.

He couldn’t bear to see her everyday.

No.

No.

No.

He groaned at the pain once again.

Would Lancelot be there too?

Oh no.

He couldn’t see them together.

He...

At this moment, his phone rang and he took it,

“Yes?”

“Arthur?”

And then he let out a deep breath he had not known he had taken in.

“Mithian?” he breathed.

“Are you alright? Merlin told me to call you. He told me something happened. What is it?”

Thank God for Merlin, thought Arthur even though he would never admit it out loud.

“Guinevere is back in town.”

He didn’t need to say more than that.

Mithian knew.

She knew everything.

His eyes got lost on his wedding band and then he heard her take a deep breath,

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

And then,

It was like suddenly he could breath a little better.

Just like that.

* * *

Gwen was home at her parents’.

Lucy was happily cooking with her grandparents while Gwen was looking around, at her teenage room.

She sat on the bed and then she could feel it…

The tears at the back of her eyes.

The tingle in her throat.

And then it was there and she could do nothing to stop it, only tried to muffle it;

Sobs.

What had happened to her life?

When had it gone wrong?

She looked at her bedside table and froze when she saw the frame laid on it.

She took it with trembling hands...

It was a picture of herself with Arthur during their prom of Senior Year.

They looked so happy.

So in love.

What had happened?

* * *

Mithian opened the door and found her husband sat on the floor, eyes lost on the wall in front of him.

“Oh Arthur…”

Their eyes locked and nothing more needed to be said,

She just walked to him and knelt before holding him in her arms.

Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

* * *

Morgana was watching something on the TV, Merlin dozing off by her side, one of his hands on her swollen baby.

She laughed at the sight and her eyes found the TV again.

And then…

Her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Morgana.”

Morgana froze and straightened up, waking up Merlin who looked at her questioningly.

“Gwen.”

His eyes went cold and she smiled sadly at him.

“I know. I know everything. But please don't hang up. I'm begging you." her voice broke. "I know it's awful of me to ask but... I could really use a friend right about now.”

Morgana couldn’t speak right away.

Arthur.

Arthur was her twin brother and she loved him more than anything in this world.

And her leaving?

It had destroyed him.

But in the mean time...

Gwen was the reason why Merlin and her got married in the first place.

This happiness she had,

This baby she had,

This husband she had,

She owed it all to her.

Morgana took another deep breath.

“One coffee. Tomorrow morning, 10 am. Our usual spot.”

“Thank you so much.” breathed Gwen, and was she crying?

“See you tomorrow.”

And then she closed the call.

And she could feel the tension emanating from Merlin’s body.

“Don’t tell me it was her.”

She took a deep breath.

“It was.”

“Morgana…”

“I agreed to see her tomorrow.”

“What?” exclaimed Merlin and she closed her eyes. “And why on Earth would you agree to that after what she’s done to Arthur? You twin brother, BTW!”

“Don’t…” she started and then took his hand but he was so tensed. “I don’t want to fight over this. Not tonight. I’m not asking you to forgive her, Merlin. Just… Respect my choice. I have my reasons.”

He studied her for a long time and sighed loudly.

“Fine. But I want nothing to do with her and I don’t want her inside the house.”

“Deal.” she smiled and he smiled back, weakly.

* * *

On the next day, Merlin came in and sighed when he saw Arthur working, even if the colors had not come back to his cheeks yet.

"Hi." he said but Arthur didn't even answer.

“Do you think I’m weak, Merlin?” only asked the blond and Merlin frowned.

“What?”

Arthur sighed and looked at his best friend.

“Do you think me weak for still reacting this way when I even hear her name. It's been years.”

Merlin took a minute to ponder his next words carefully.

“No. I don’t think you’re weak. I think being a man doesn’t mean to not feel a thing. I think it takes a great lot of courage to admit weaknesses. Maybe that’s what being brave actually mean.”

Arthur chuckled sadly.

“You’re so wise sometimes that it’s honest to God scaring me.”

Merlin laughed.

“How are you doing, Arthur?”

Arthur laid down on his chair, his eyes on the ceiling.

“As well as expected, I gather.” then, “Mithian came yesterday, thank you for that.”

Merlin smiled.

“I knew you would need her.”

Arthur hummed.

And then,

“Do you think I’ll be over everything that happened, one day?”

It was asked so very quietly that it broke Merlin’s heart.

“I think it’s more complicated than that, Arthur.” he answered. “What you and Gwen had… It was an epic love, stronger than anything I have ever seen-”

Arthur snorted at that.

“Well, she didn’t agree with you on that point.”

Merlin sighed.

“I think a lot happened.”

Arthur looked down.

“I know.”

“And maybe you didn’t take the time to heal on your own, any of you, before trying to heal together.”

Arthur looked away and Merlin knew it was too painful.

“Do you think that justify leaving me 48 hours before our wedding to elope with one of my best friends?”

Merlin’s eyes widened.

“Of course no!” he said, outraged. “You know my position on that particular subject. Gwen was a coward and I won’t forgive her for what she did to you. And I think she was blinding herself if she thought she could love anyone the way she loved you.”

“Well, she does.” said bitterly Arthur, playing with a pen on his desk.

It shouldn't bother him as much as it still did.

Merlin frowned.

“No. She doesn’t. Lancelot and her got divorced.” Arthur froze and looked up at his best friend, blue eyes wide and frantic.

 _“What_?”

“They got divorced. That’s why she’s coming back.”


End file.
